Rush Limbaugh caught in dressing room changing out of Rachel Maddow outfit

The political pundit world was shocked this afternoon when it discovered that left-leaning Rachel Maddow is actually the extreme-righty radio host himself, Rush Limbaugh. Fans of the Maddow Show have been taking to Twitter all day in at attempt to put some meaning behind this surprising turn of events. "I just don't understand it", said a longtime watcher of her show, "how could he do that to us...how could she do that...I don't even know who the hell I'm talking about. I always wondered why they were never in the same place at the same time."

MSNBC has yet to comment but Rush took to the airwaves quickly after finding out he was discovered. "Well, there ya have it. I was going to wait until Halloween to scare everyone and make you Libs start crying out for God, or whoever it is you don't believe in. Looks like all you Dems are gonna have to watch Piers Morgan. Oh, I wish I could see the look on every one of your whiny faces."

Scientists who study size and space are still trying to figure out how Rushbo accomplished this feat.

After bad press, Tea Party changes name to "Disco Party"

What started as a popular movement against government spending and taxes has now lost its momentum. Accusations of racism and intolerance towards other points of view has painted the Tea Party as extremist and not able to govern. But leaders in the party have finally come up with an antidote: a change in name. As of August 30th 2011, the Tea Party will now be known as the Disco Party, with dances planned in each major city every weekend until the 2012 elections.

"Who's gonna make fun of us now?" yelled a group of Tea Party activists with one hand on their hips and the other in the air.

Congress decides no Townhall Meetings during break because there will be people there

After months of public anger towards Congress in Washington over the debt ceiling and lack of jobs, every single House and Senate member will refrain from holding any townhalls over their August recess. They all met on the Capital steps this morning to make their case. "It's pretty simple really" said Speaker of the House John Boehner, "we've all determined that instead of actually going to meet with the people in our district, we would instead answer pre-screened questions via Facebook in a secure location. But to make it more real for our constituents, we will have our full-size cardboard cut-outs in front of the microphone wherever we originally planned these townhalls to take place. Now, of course these cut-outs will cost $49.95 each but the money will go directly to our re-election campaign next fall."

Within just a few hours following this announcement, local tomato farmers saw an increase in demand of 15,000%. One farmer said it best during an interview with PBS Newshour, "at least they finally did something right for us."

Presidential hopeful Herman Cain challenges Republican field to a "pizza cookoff" for nomination

Herman Cain is now on the offensive. After a sharp decline in his poll numbers, he has concluded that if he is to be the Republican party's nominee he will have to go back to his roots: Pizza. During this weeks Republican debate, Cain was answering a question about his anti-Muslim views when he suddenly changed rhetorical gears. "I may not be the smartest here on stage, and I might not be the most popular, and I'm surely not the most versed in what/what not to say, but what I AM is a pizza maker. As many of you know I created Godfather's pizza, the best damn pizza in the United States. And now, in front of the televised world I'd like to throw my colleagues here an invitation and a challenge. Whoever can make the best pizza this upcoming Friday night on the Bill O'Reilly show will be the Republican nominee for President."

Cain has yet to receive any word from his rivals and for the most part it looks again like nobody is listening to him. To make matters worse, O'Reilly said there's "no way in hell" he's going to be making pizza on his show.

Sarah Palin and family leave for International Space Station and then Mars.

Only three years after running for the second highest office in the country, Sarah Palin will be departing for the International Space Station early tomorrow morning. She will be accompanied by her husband Todd, her parents, all of her children, and surprisingly Levi Johnston. Their final destination will be Earth's neighboring red planet Mars where they are planning on being the first humans to inhabit it.

Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie call it quits. Ernie starts talking.

After over four decades of living together on Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie will now be going their separate ways. The fallout came yesterday morning when Bert claimed that his car wasn't starting before he was about to go job searching in the city.

Although Bert was not taking any interviews, Ernie was making the media stint on all the major networks. "All Bert does is make excuses why he can't find work and it's getting a wee bit old", he said on Good Morning America.

Charlie Sheen proves naysayers wrong. Starts "winning" at everything

After months of awful reviews and critics pouncing on his every mistake, Charlie Sheen has finally had enough. "I just decided I couldn't take it anymore", said Sheen after his world record 100-meter butterfly event. "I've been waiting for the right moment when everyone thought I was down and out of the game...well I'm not."

Debt Supercommittee determines "huge-ass lemonade stand" best bet moving forward

The Supercommittee that has been entrusted to find a way out from our nation's devastating debt and deficit has released their findings today. They have determined that due to the stalemate in Congress and the polarization of the political system in recent years, there is only one possible route out: a huge-ass lemonade stand. And it will be on the Capital steps.

Chris Christie claims he was just kidding about "not being ready" to be President

The wait is now over. It is confirmed that Gov. Chris Christie will finally be throwing his hat into the national ring. Most remember his CNBC appearance when he confidently said that he was "not ready" to be President. Yet now, he has changed his mind.

"I told myself and the country that I wasn't going to run ok. I said that I wasn't ready but the truth is that I am indeed ready. I was born ready. Just look in my eyes, don't I look ready?"
Minutes later when the cameras were off, reporters pressed him further to explain this change of heart. "Look, I'm not ready at all to be President alright. But have you seen these other fruit loops running?"

Supreme Court rules nobody in U.S. is getting health insurance anymore

In a move that will shape America forever, the Supreme Court has reached a monumental decision this week. They claimed that not only is President Obama's healthcare law unconstitutional, but actually so is health insurance in general.

President Obama and Rick Perry look forward to camping trip together

On Rick Perry's invitation, President Obama will join him this weekend for a "guy vacation" in an undisclosed location in Yellowstone National Park. The President was set to go to Martha's Vineyard with his family by way of a bus tour, but all that's changed in the last 24 hours.

Jersey Shore cast all get swallowed by whale off West Coast

In a rare swallowing not seen since Jonah's days, a blue whale weighing over 120 tons leaped out of the Pacific ocean and engulfed the Jersey Shore cast while they were sailing near San Diego. They were filming a new pilot for a series entitled "California Coast" which was on its very first day of taping. One witness named Joe told reporters that "Snoozy" was dancing on the bow as if she was trying to make it rain or something. Then she screamed real loud...and that's when it happened.

Jesus returns 438,957 years early to rapture entire Republican field from Earth

In a surprise move by the Son of Man today, the remaining Republicans vying to represent their party were raptured up to heaven earlier than originally planned. Jesus didn't mix words when he took the pulpit in Des Moines Iowa. "I'm sorry about all this America, but these guys didn't get the memo. Knew I should've been more clear about a few things".

News update: Reporters have just found Ron Paul hiding out in the porta potty. It looks as though Jesus left one.

Romney's rhetoric pays off handsomely. Obama to apply for job at local D.C. golf course

After years of being attacked by right wing politicians and pundits for never having a job, President Obama was pushed over the edge by Mitt Romney during a Republican debate. And this morning, the Commander in Chief answered back.

Although no job offer has yet been extended, the President has applied at a small golf course on the outskirts of Washington D.C. The course is known for terrific summer specials and the best polish dog you can find in the area.